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- Sampler
- Contents
- Humor
- Non-Humor
- Downdates
- Lynx
Someday, this column may contain more links.
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The Infamous Anti-Chain Letter
This is the infamous (which is to say, not famous) Anti-Chain Letter!
Within one hour of receiving this letter, pass this letter on to
ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. Show your friends that you are really a true friend
by NOT passing this letter on to them! If you don't pass the letter on
within one hour, good fortune will come your way. If you don't pass the
letter on within 24 hours, true love will come your way! If you NEVER
PASS ON THIS LETTER, you will find true love AND you will be granted one
wish!* No lie!
However, if you DO pass on the Anti-Chain letter, "you will be cursed
for eternity and you will not have any love in your life
whatsoever."*** Well, not really, but you'll be cursed with the guilt
of having passed on a self-defeating chain letter! So take that! It's
your choice. True love, or guilt. . . make the right decision.
- This e-mail is a good-will token,
- A chain letter that's meant to be broken.
- Good fortune is brought by sending it not,
- True love will come and a wish will be got!
- Passing it on incurs the curse
- Of a guilty conscience (it could be worse. . .)
- So don't pass it on; don't be malicious!
- It's bad luck to be superstitious!
- Be the one to break the chain;
- Don't pass the e-mail on again!
- What chain mail (anti- or otherwise) would be complete without a wildly
improbable story that proves, beyond a shadow of an opaque doubt, that
it really works? We don't have a good answer to that question, but we
decided to be on the safe side and include one. In fact, to be really
safe, we included five! In order to be consistent with the tradition of
chain letters, all the stories presented here are totally false.
- Edith Holt wrote:
- "I receive anti-chain letters all the time, but this time I decided,
'what the heck?' and instead of passing it on to all my friends, as I
usually do, I decided to NOT pass on the anti-chain letter! Guess what
happened? I WON THE LOTTERY! This was really weird, especially because
I had not actually bought a lottery ticket."
- Aaron "Eh?" Holt wrote:
- "I did not receive the anti-chain letter, but passed it on anyway. How
I regret the day that I passed it on! Not only do I live with the guilt
of passing it on - just as the letter predicted! - I also have UTTERLY
FAILED TO FIND TRUE LOVE! Also my grandmother, Edith, was struck by
lightning soon afterward."
- Stephen Hawking wrote:
- "I never passed on the anti-chain letter, and then I made the wish that
I ~had~ passed on the anti-chain letter. The next day a friend of mine
called me and said 'thank you for passing it on to me.' I am still
working on this one. I am also wondering how this story got in here,
because it's not like I told anybody about it, either."
- Napolean Bonaparte wrote:
- "Ma tortue a pris fue et je n'ai pas de pantalon!"
- (translated into English)
- "I passed on the anti-chain letter, and my invasion of Russia failed."
- President Clinton wrote:
- "I passed on the anti-chain letter, and within 24 hours, I was
impeached! This is why my administration is encouraging the youth of
America to not pass on anti-chain letters, and we will continue to do so -- despite
the efforts of Republicans and chain-letter lobbyists. We as Americans
should lead the world in our valiant endeavor to not pass on chain letters!"
FOOTNOTES:
*We guarantee this; if you wish does not come true, forward a copy of
this e-mail to us along with your the details of your wish, and evidence
that you have not, in fact, passed the chain letter on**, and we will
not only refund all the money that you invested in this letter (which is
to say, $0.00 + tax), but we will also MAKE YOUR WISH COME TRUE!
GUARANTEED!
**Note that forwarding this e-mail to us (as required by our return
policy) constitutes passing on the chain letter, and thus negates any
claim you may have on the fulfillment of your wish. Failing to comply
with our return policy (by not forwarding the letter) also negates any
responsibility we may have to fulfill your wish, as well as the money
back guarantee.
***This is a direct quote from an actual chain letter that we received.
Spooky, huh?
Below is a list of the people that passed on the anti-chain letter
(Shame on you!). If you pass on the anti-chain letter, you can add your
name to the list and immortalize your foolishness, and serve as a
warning to the future recipients of the anti-chain letter, if any!
1. Aaron "Eh" Holt
2.
A Chain Letter should have a Link.
Footnotes:
*I widened the text column for this page because it looked cramped. If it looks stupid or if it doesn't fit in your browser window, it's your fault.
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